The day of delivery, well what can I say, I of course did not sleep the night before because of the nerves. The thought of that being my last night as just me and as a couple and from this moment on be a Family, my own unit that has been created by my husband and I really was a big deal and a very powerful moment. So I got ready and went to the hospital. As soon as I got there they took me right in I changed into my gown and took everything off, no jewelry or any clothes except the gown and socks they provided. They then put these wraps on my legs to keep circulation going. Soon there after they take your blood pressure, take some more blood out and put the IV on you. Your husband will be asked to step out and you will be there answering some personal questions. Once that is done he will be allowed back in with you and the anesthesiologist will come visit you once they are ready for you.
At this point I was scared… I have never gone through any sort of injection like this before, especially one that I have not seen. (Now if you are having an epidural it will be a similar process but you will be going through contractions wile this goes on.) The anesthesiologist listened to my concerns due to horror stories I have heard and my fear of needles. After a few laughs he assured me all will be ok and he would walk me step by step on what he was going to do.
After waiting for about 2 hours for my doctor to arrive they escorted my husband out and me into the delivery room. I walked into the room where everything was sterile around 12:30pm. I looked around where everything was and where they would put the baby and then I saw my bed. Yea this thing was the size of my back it was so small in width. My first thought was this is it? Yep it sure was. I sat on this bed facing one of the nurses she took my blood pressure and left the strap on it would continue to take it throughout the procedure. Then she said “ok now slouch over as much as possible and put your head down.” At this point I thought she was going to “hold me down” and she said to me no that is only when your in labor and we have to put the epidural and you have contractions. So I held my breath and prayed “God please be with me and the doctors that work on us for all to be at your will and come out great!”
The anesthesiologist said to me ok we are ready… he cleaned my back and pat it dry and put a big tape on my back (I’m guessing it had the spine on it so he knows where to put the anesthesia). Then he said ok take a deep break your going to feel a pinch. (Usually when a doctor tells me that it hurts more than a pinch!) But in this case he was right it hurt less than giving blood or a mosquito bite. (When your having contractions in a natural birth with epidural I have heard from other mom’s you do not feel this) I did though feel the anesthesia go in but then quickly be numb. I know he went again two more times but this time I did feel an electric shock on my right leg that did hurt a bit but that was the worst of it really. Now for me to say this is big cause I am a big wimp when it comes to stuff like this. LOL. He then took off the tape and laid me down. I quickly got numb in my legs. Ha! That was a strange feeling not being able to move them. Then as it gradually went up my belly the anesthesiologist kept checking in with me with a dull needle to see how different I felt with touch.
When I was ready and numb they put the catheter on in which I did not feel just some pressure and taped it to my leg. Then they put up the curtain and put this gel on my belly. To me that I was numb I felt the gel but not the temperature it was just warm. In reality the doctor told me it was FREEZING cold. They put another tape like thing on my belly, then they started the surgery. I was shaking through the entire procedure I think it was because of the freezing gel and the anesthesia combination. I did not see anything nor did I feel anything. My husband then came in when they had started, he kept talking to me throughout the procedure and so did the anesthesiologist guiding us step by step. What I did feel was that the baby did move upwards toward my ribs when they were ready to take him out. They pushed him down and pulled him out. I did feel an uncomfortable pressure then…What a relief! He was out! And I heard the best cry ever. Our son was born. Now some friends have asked to describe the pressure if I were to explain it to someone that has not gone through that what would it be like. This is what I can say to come close to it and it will be a bit strange. It was like if you have been constipated for a few days and you finally let it out. That feeling of relief and having your body back to normal. Grasping for air and the sigh of it’s done!
My husband then went to take pictures of the baby as they were cleaning him up to show him to me while they started to close me back up. When the baby was cleaned and brought to me I was expecting to feel what I was told “I’m supposed to feel” “Love at first sight”. Well I did not feel that, after all I was just introduced to this new person. I don’t feel love at first sight when I meet a new person that has to grow for me anyways. I wondered if I was a bad person or mother for feeling that way. But in reality I’m not, many mothers have felt the same way. My first thoughts were “Wow was he really mine?” “Did he just come out of me?” “This person was made inside me” “Who does he look like?” “OMG I am totally responsible for this person from now on!” What a responsibility!” “We are parents!”
I know the connection and the love will occur later on between us, though it was love at first sight for my husband, at least that’s what he tells me. I kissed the baby and they took him away to the nursery and my husband went with him. I was there still in the surgery room being sown up talking to the nurses etc… When they finally finished they put me on a board and slid me to the rolling bed to transfer me to recovery. It took me two and a half hours to be able to move my leg. That was the goal in order to go to my room. Boy was that strange to try and move your legs and you can’t. The connection from brain to limb was not working at the moment. I was offered painkillers that were strong but I knew I wanted to breast feed so I did not take them. I also knew the side effects and did not want to be drowsy when I see our baby again. I only took Motrin 800 was my other option every 6 hours.
When I finally moved my legs I was transferred over to my room where they brought in our baby and I held him and fed him for the first time. It was a special moment but that is when your motherly instinct kicks in and it just becomes natural like if it was meant to be all along. I was then able to eat ice chips and see how my body reacted to it, then water and then able to eat light food. Remember I hadn’t eaten since midnight the night before and by the time I had some ice chips it was 6:30pm. Starving! I had real food by 9pm that evening.
The love did take a few days to kick in, I mean everything was just so overwhelming and I thought, was I the only one? Well my therapist said that it was normal and it will happen when I was ready. Some women take longer than others for this to occur. She was right it did happen and it was so special too. I was home feeding him alone and I took one look at his beautiful face and said wow I can’t imagine my life without him, I love him so much words do not explain it. Of course there were tears involved even till this day just thinking back on that special moment. It was a connection between him and I that was like no other, then a bond was built that will never be broken nor compared to anyone else. When you love someone else more than you can say, that there is a love greater than the one you have for yourself is unbelievable.