Now don’t get me wrong its not like I didn’t enjoy my pregnancy at all. I did have great moments, but that’s what they were for me moments. For example, the first time I felt the baby move, the times when I massaged my coco butter cream on after the shower and the baby reacted to the feeling. When I would watch or hear anything that had nice singing or classical music the baby would respond to it by “dancing” in my belly. All of these experiences no one else in the world was going to experience them with my baby but ME! How special is that! I got to know when my baby was happy, angry, bothered, sleeping or just playing. No one knew that but me, that made me feel special.
I do have to admit one thing. When I found out the sex of the baby… well I hoped and dreamed for a girl and of course my husband wanted a boy. Ever since I was a little girl I always wanted a girl. I even had dreams that I had a girl. One day I was shopping for neutral baby stuff with my mom and we were at the check out line and something told me it was a boy. I was to be honest, a bit bummed out, but I wasn’t going to let myself feel that way just yet because I did not know yet. Though I did tell my mother that although I so wanted a girl I had a feeling it was a boy. It was the time to find out the sex of the baby when the guy looked at me and said: What did you want? With a funny look and sarcastic sounding tone in his voice. I then said I wanted a girl but now I know it’s a boy. He then looked at me and said: Yes you are right… It’s a boy!
My husband and mother were with me at that moment and both of them were jumping for joy and screaming with excitement all the while I just lied there on the table looking at the ultrasound with my mouth opened in shock and well disappointment. In my mind I was devastated, what was I going to do with a boy… I thought to myself. I wanted a girl. Was I a bad person for thinking this? I was sad I did not get what I had always dreamed about. I then realized that no I was not a bad person or bad mom to be I was just being human with a crushed dream. It is ok to feel that way. I knew I had to get over this and connect with my new son so, I went to the store and bought some boy baby clothes that I thought were cute and some newborn shoes. After I did that I felt so much better and started to really connect with him. I had my own moment alone with my baby inside me and we bonded. I no longer felt devastated or disappointed. I was open to the idea of a boy and decided I was going to raise him to be a man of God, to know and do all the things I ever wanted in a man for one lucky lady in his future. I was going to do this to the best of my ability and with God’s help to mold my son.
” Love your family and watch them grow, share your story so Mom’s will know.”